Desire of My Heart
My desire to know God began the day I received my diploma from high school. I was struck with a feeling of vanity and a question, ďLord, who are You??I grew up in a Christian family and was a very good, proper person. But my knowledge of Christ was limited to Him being my Creator and Redeemer. And at this point, I was not satisfied with just that. So I vowed to seek for a Christian group first thing when I began college in hopes to find others who could lead me to know the Lord. Only one requirement ?that the group would not be merely social.
It wasnít too long after I began my 1st term at Cal Poly, Pomona that I was approached by another student who was handing out tracts on campus. His mouth was full of songs and his eyes had the joy that mine lacked. I couldnít help but sign up at his table. From that point, a Christian sister from Cal Poly called me a few times a week. She taught me how to pray spontaneous and genuine prayers and how to spend time with the Lord in His Word. After a mountain retreat that same term, my appetite for the Word of God grew tremendously, and I couldnít go to sleep each night without reading a chapter. Along with reading the Bible, I also looked forward to gathering with the Christians of the local church. Itís the mercy of the Lord that He answered my prayer beyond my greatest dream.
Eventually in June 1994, I decided to meet with the local church in Diamond Bar on a regular basis on Sundays. Here, the Lord was so real to me, and the Bible was my food. Furthermore, it was with this group of Christians that I realized that Iím here for a purposeónot for myself or for the world, or even for others. But Iím here for whatís on Godís heart, that is the Body of Christ, His bride. Up to this day, I appreciate the Lord as my Creator and Redeemer more than I have ever before. But even more, Iím coming to know Him as my Bridegroom and pursue Him with the other dear Christian brothers and sisters in the local church. The Lord truly met the desire of my heart with the local church in Diamond Bar.
Learning to Swim in the Depths of the Word
I appreciate very much the writings of Watchman Nee and Witness Lee, because their writings open the Bible to me to the point that I canít help but love the Lord and love reading His Word. I love reading the Word! Before I came into contact with the believers in the local church and the ministry of Witness Lee and Watchman Nee, the Bible was very much a closed book to me. I can liken it to a vast ocean full of depth in riches, yet not knowing how to swim to realize, experience these riches. I needed guidance to know how to swim ?not only on the surface, but also in the depths of the Word. I remember the 1st time I was reading on my own a book by Watchman Nee entitled The Normal Christian Life, specifically the chapter on the ďBlood of Christ.?At that time, I was struggling with a sin that I had committed in the past. I confessed this same sin many many, times and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of condemnation. I would pray but it seemed that I would get more frustrated and condemned with each word I uttered to the Lord. But then I read that chapter on the blood. As I read, I could sense a light coming into my heart that scattered the darkness and feelings of condemnation. I realized that there is no sin too big or no failure too great for the blood of Jesus. As long as ďwe confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9).?What a release! What a freedom! This is the wonderful effect of the truth being applied to my daily life. And I could appropriate that truth because of the guidance of Watchman Nee. I have to say that that experience was only the beginning. It became the gateway to many experiences of the Lord in His Word with the great help of both Watchman Nee and Witness Lee. Praise Him! Iím learning to swim in and drink of the water in the Lordís Word.
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